whatsit

How did I ever get on without this thing? Speaking as an audiophile, here is what I now know I was starved for; bass. My life is filled with treble. Everything presents itself to me in high-pitched urgency. Demanding baby voices drag me from listening to my own heartbeat to feed them and satisfy their desire for this or that. Shrill associates want to know if this will be done on time and what that will cost. Ad spots seek my attention at a pitch that has surely caused me to bleed internally. It's been a long time, probably since Tom Snyder was on the air, that I've enjoyed listening to people. If you've ever heard the sound of aluminum going through a table saw (as frequently enough I do) you may understand how brain-rattlingly close to insanity an unfriendly note can send one. On a less extreme level this is what I endure daily. Maybe it's the cousin malady of how the tags inside clothing drive me to distraction. How to defend one's self against that high end of audio frequency that most people will accept and even seem to enjoy- surely one reason why I've never watched "American Idol". My new best friends- earbuds! Here are the benefits; No one can demand my attention from another room- they must now wave their hands in front of my face and mouthe their urgencies... the phone calls that are never for me are now answered by- not me... and that argument to decide who goes on the computer after I'm finished blogging is mediated by,....?{"scuse me while I kiss this guy..."}. It may seem like I'm only using this as a chance to shirk my responsibilities, but no. Today I played five games of 'Clue', sterilized the kitchen, did some laundry, picked up all of the same things I picked up yesterday, and made a hearty and nutritious dinner- happily oblivious to the barrage of complains and the constant drone of synthesized race track noise that normally scores our home life. These have been effectively doused by a thumpy soundtrack of my own choosing. And to think that only a few weeks ago I was suggesting to Santa, in near complete disregard of my own request for a sound-proof booth, that we could live without 'nano's. Oh no we can not! If you're under forty, you're probably marveling at how long it's taken me to latch onto this concept- how long ago did the Sony Walkman offer us retreat from our noisy world? First of all, I would have worn a rhinestone tiara before choosing to appear in public sporting a set of those corny headphones- who am I?, Lt. Cmdr. Sulu? Next, was I really supposed to carry around my library of recorded music?- I can barely find room on my person for car keys and a wallet. Last and most tellingly, things are only a good idea when I finally decide they are. Till then, I'll give you every reason in the world why they are the scourge of modern life. For instance, I've only recently decided that cell phones are a necessity- offers of employment arrive on them. If you choose to chit-chat away on one, that's your business. Just remember; once upon a time the sight of someone talking to themselves in public signaled that they were insane. At least for me, this impression has not changed. But I still offer a resounding no thanks! to palm-sized keyboards (and the subsequent dismantlement of our written language caused by the difficulty of typing with one's thumbs), programmable coffee makers (program this-just hurry up with the coffee!), and those new-fangled automatic transmissions (there are already too many fluids under the hood to keep track of). To think, the option of nodding in time and shuffle-stepping my path through the drudgery and assault of this demanding world was only ever several hours of transferring discs and a few hundred dollars away. I have to wonder (now that introspection is back on the table). What else may I have been wrong about. ....thump,thump,thump...."What's that?!"